• Menu
  • Skip to right header navigation
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Parisi Speed School

Youth Sports Performance

  • Contact Us
  • Blog
  • Podcast
  • Shop
  • Cart
  • My Account
  • search
  • Contact Us
  • Blog
  • Podcast
  • Shop
  • Cart
  • My Account
  • search
  • Home
  • ARC Athletics
    • Contact
  • Owensboro Health Healthpark
    • Contact
  • A.I.E. Elite Training
    • Contact
  • The Health Factory
    • Contact
  • Live Fit Sport & Wellness Center
    • Contact
  • Parisi Montana
    • Contact
  • Valley Health Wellness & Fitness Center
    • Contact
  • Gold’s Gym Middletown
    • Contact
  • Golf Performance
  • North Star Fitness
    • Contact
  • Parisi Kokomo
    • Contact
  • Parisi Lake Charles
    • Contact
  • Workhorse Sports Performance
    • Program Options
      • Jump Start
      • Elite/Total Performance
      • PEAK90
    • Testimonials
    • Our Facility
    • Schedule
    • Staff
    • Contact Us
    • Free Athlete Personal Training Session
  • Correct2Compete
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Triple Threat Performance Coaching
    • Contact
  • Parisi Chengdu
  • Parisi Speed School at Tri-Fitness & Performance Chicago
    • Contact
    • Classes
    • Staff
  • Parisi Burlingame
    • Contact
  • Whirlwinds Speed Academy
    • Classes
    • Kid Fit
    • Safety Protocols
    • Whirlwinds Track Club
    • Pricing
    • Contact
  • Club 24
    • Contact
  • Optimum Prime Training Center
    • Contact
  • Choice Physical Therapy & Wellness
    • Contact
  • Bees Athletics
    • Contact
  • Parisi Pinggu
  • ARVH Sports Performance
    • Contact
  • Velocity Youth Plus
    • Contact
    • Coach Michael
  • Clinch the 1st Round Pick
    • Contact
  • Club Fit Jefferson Valley
    • Contact
    • Staff
  • Nittany Valley Sports Centre
    • Contact
  • Peak Fitness and Performance
    • Contact
  • Cherokee Fitness Complex
    • Contact
  • Compound Sports
    • Contact
  • CrossFit The Club
    • Contact
  • Gibson’s Gym
    • Contact
  • LiveFIT: Home of the Parisi Speed School
    • Contact
  • Mettle Sports Parisi Speed School
    • Contact
  • Mission Fitness Performance
    • Our Programs
    • Membership Options
    • Contact
  • Parisi New Mexico
    • Contact
  • Parisi Beijing
    • 教练介绍
    • 课程简介
    • 时间表
    • 所有教练
    • 每月训练之星
  • Parisi Speed School of Durham
    • Contact
  • Parisi Speed School of Fairfield
    • Atlantic Sports Health
    • Contact
  • Leo Training Systems
    • Contact
    • Atlantic Sports Health
    • Alumni
    • Testimonials
    • Team Training
  • SNI Cattaraugus Community Center
    • Contact
  • Trinity Sports Academy
    • Contact
  • Culprit Athletics
    • Contact
  • Parisi Speed School | Bristol
    • Coaches
    • Remote Training
    • Facility
    • Sports Performance Evaluation
    • Jump Start
    • Total Performance
    • Elite Sports Performance
      • Elite Baseball/Softball Strength
      • Master’s Training
    • PEAK Training
    • Team Training Programs
    • Sport Specific Skills
    • Contact Us
  • Missouri Athletic Center
    • Contact
  • New Jersey Athletic Club
    • Contact
  • Parisi Speed School of Raleigh
    • Youth Sports Training
    • Team Training
    • Contact
  • Houze of Sports
    • PARISI VIDEOS
    • Motivation Corner
    • Programs
    • Team Training
    • Our Facility
    • Partnerships
    • Contact Us
  • Heartware Fitness
    • Schedule
    • Youth and Teams
    • Adult Classes
    • Testimonials
    • Staff
    • Our Facility
    • Contact Us
  • Training and Performance Center
    • Contact
  • Parisi Speed School Rochester
    • Facility
    • Programs
    • Staff
    • Schedule
    • Contact
  • Universal Athletic Club
    • Contact
  • Old Town Athletic Club
    • Schedule
    • Success Stories
    • Facility
    • Enrollment Options
    • Staff
    • Testimonials
    • Contact
  • Mo Fitness
    • Evalution
    • Why Train With Parisi
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Guadalupe Regional Wellness Center
  • World Gym Wantagh
    • Birthday Parties
    • Schedule
    • Training Process
    • Why Train With Parisi?
    • Evaluation
    • Contact
  • Parisi Franklin Lakes
    • FAQ
    • Pricing
    • Schedule
    • Coaches
    • Testimonials
    • Facility
    • Physical Therapy
    • Team Training
    • Adult Training
    • Atlantic Health
    • Birthday Parties
    • Contact
  • Xcel Sportsplex
    • How To Get Started:
    • Contact
    • Schedule
    • Price Structure
    • Why Train With Parisi
  • Parisi Speed School XPC
    • Summer Programs
      • Summer Camps
    • Youth Sports Performance
      • Sports Performance Training Options
      • Sports Performance FAQ
    • Parent Orientation
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Merritt Clubs
    • Coaches
    • Contact
    • Testimonials
  • Sinking Spring Family YMCA
    • How To Get Started
    • Performance Evaluation
    • Schedule
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • The Summit Athletic Center
    • Contact
  • Exygon Beaumont
    • Partners
    • Schedule
    • Training Plans
    • Facility
    • Staff
    • Contact
    • Why Train With Parisi?
  • YMCA New Canaan
    • Schedule
    • Pricing
    • Contact
  • Parisi Colorado – Better Athletes…Better People
    • Parisi Toca Soccer Programs
    • Contact Parisi Colorado
  • Morristown
    • Atlantic Health
    • Facility
    • Programs
    • ISP Programs
    • Team Training
    • Training Videos
    • Staff
    • Testimonials
    • Alumni
    • Our Partners
    • Contact
  • Parisi Fair Lawn
    • Simms Complete QB
    • Covid-19
    • Atlantic Health
    • Schedule
    • Youth Training
    • Training Packages & Memberships
    • Team Training
    • Staff
    • Adult Training
    • Contact Us
    • Alumni
    • Facility
  • Parisi Speed School of Downingtown
    • Contact
    • Training For Warriors
    • Partners
    • Testimonials
    • Programs
    • Schedule
    • Staff
    • Facility
  • Parisi Speed School of San Diego
    • Team Training
    • Youth Training Programs
    • Parisi Nation Challenge
    • Contact
    • Schedule
    • Testimonials
    • Meet the Team
  • Parisi Speed School powered by SPRFC
    • Blog
    • Events
      • Women’s Self-Defense Class
      • Combine
    • Cardio Kickboxing
    • Hall of Fame
    • Gallery
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Parisi Wichita
    • About
    • Contact
    • Partners
    • Videos
    • Evaluation
    • Facility
    • Team Training
    • Staff
  • Parisi Speed School Chicago
    • Contact
    • Staff
    • Schedule
  • The Atlantic Club
    • Contact
  • ClubFitness Oak Branch
    • Contact
    • Schedule
    • Staff
    • Facility
  • The Edge – Williston
    • Contact
    • Staff
    • Facility
  • Wareing’s Gym
    • Contact
  • Form & Fitness – Grafton
    • Getting Started
    • Speed and Strength Training
    • Private and Semi-Private Training
    • Camps/ Team Training
    • The Cat Club
    • Schedule
    • Testimonials
    • Parisi Speed School Birthday Parties
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Parisi Speed School-Gold Medal Fitness
    • Events
    • Facility
    • Promotions
    • Contact
  • Gold’s Gym Islip
    • Schedule
    • Schedule
    • Contact
    • Staff
    • F.A.Q.
  • HealthQuest
    • News
    • Contact
  • Kymes Physical Therapy
    • Camp Photos
    • Contact
    • Schedule
    • Staff
  • LifeBridge Health & Fitness
    • Schedule
    • Camps
    • The Cat Club Challenge
    • Testimonials
    • Partners
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Memorial Athletic Club
    • Contact Us
    • Schedule
    • Partners
    • Mission Statement
    • Facility
    • Testimonials
    • Staff
  • Newtown Athletic Club
    • Contact
    • Staff
    • Testimonials
    • Schedule
  • Parisi Schererville
    • Upcoming Events
    • COVID-19 Precautions
    • Why Parisi?
    • Youth Training System
    • Class Schedule
    • Personal Training
    • Team Training
    • Alumni
    • Testimonials
    • FAQ’s
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Parisi Butler
    • Staff
    • Programs
    • Atlantic Health
    • Contact
  • Alliance Champions
    • Contact
  • Champions Sports Performance
    • Staff
    • Facility
    • Contact
  • Cherry Hill Health & Racquet Club
    • Parisi Speed School Testimonials
    • Videos
    • Programs
    • Contact
    • Schedule
    • Staff
  • Cleveland Sports Institute
    • News
    • Contact
    • Staff
  • Cross Gates Family Fitness
    • Contact
    • Facility
  • DeSoto Athletic Club – Collierville
    • Contact
  • Equalize Fitness
    • Schedule
    • Facility
    • Testimonials
    • Free Speed Evaluation
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Exygon Nederland
    • Schedule
    • Training Plans
    • Facility
    • Staff
    • Contact
    • Why Train With Parisi?
  • Contact
  • Home
  • ARC Athletics
    • Contact
  • Owensboro Health Healthpark
    • Contact
  • A.I.E. Elite Training
    • Contact
  • The Health Factory
    • Contact
  • Live Fit Sport & Wellness Center
    • Contact
  • Parisi Montana
    • Contact
  • Valley Health Wellness & Fitness Center
    • Contact
  • Gold’s Gym Middletown
    • Contact
  • Golf Performance
  • North Star Fitness
    • Contact
  • Parisi Kokomo
    • Contact
  • Parisi Lake Charles
    • Contact
  • Workhorse Sports Performance
    • Program Options
      • Jump Start
      • Elite/Total Performance
      • PEAK90
    • Testimonials
    • Our Facility
    • Schedule
    • Staff
    • Contact Us
    • Free Athlete Personal Training Session
  • Correct2Compete
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Triple Threat Performance Coaching
    • Contact
  • Parisi Chengdu
  • Parisi Speed School at Tri-Fitness & Performance Chicago
    • Contact
    • Classes
    • Staff
  • Parisi Burlingame
    • Contact
  • Whirlwinds Speed Academy
    • Classes
    • Kid Fit
    • Safety Protocols
    • Whirlwinds Track Club
    • Pricing
    • Contact
  • Club 24
    • Contact
  • Optimum Prime Training Center
    • Contact
  • Choice Physical Therapy & Wellness
    • Contact
  • Bees Athletics
    • Contact
  • Parisi Pinggu
  • ARVH Sports Performance
    • Contact
  • Velocity Youth Plus
    • Contact
    • Coach Michael
  • Clinch the 1st Round Pick
    • Contact
  • Club Fit Jefferson Valley
    • Contact
    • Staff
  • Nittany Valley Sports Centre
    • Contact
  • Peak Fitness and Performance
    • Contact
  • Cherokee Fitness Complex
    • Contact
  • Compound Sports
    • Contact
  • CrossFit The Club
    • Contact
  • Gibson’s Gym
    • Contact
  • LiveFIT: Home of the Parisi Speed School
    • Contact
  • Mettle Sports Parisi Speed School
    • Contact
  • Mission Fitness Performance
    • Our Programs
    • Membership Options
    • Contact
  • Parisi New Mexico
    • Contact
  • Parisi Beijing
    • 教练介绍
    • 课程简介
    • 时间表
    • 所有教练
    • 每月训练之星
  • Parisi Speed School of Durham
    • Contact
  • Parisi Speed School of Fairfield
    • Atlantic Sports Health
    • Contact
  • Leo Training Systems
    • Contact
    • Atlantic Sports Health
    • Alumni
    • Testimonials
    • Team Training
  • SNI Cattaraugus Community Center
    • Contact
  • Trinity Sports Academy
    • Contact
  • Culprit Athletics
    • Contact
  • Parisi Speed School | Bristol
    • Coaches
    • Remote Training
    • Facility
    • Sports Performance Evaluation
    • Jump Start
    • Total Performance
    • Elite Sports Performance
      • Elite Baseball/Softball Strength
      • Master’s Training
    • PEAK Training
    • Team Training Programs
    • Sport Specific Skills
    • Contact Us
  • Missouri Athletic Center
    • Contact
  • New Jersey Athletic Club
    • Contact
  • Parisi Speed School of Raleigh
    • Youth Sports Training
    • Team Training
    • Contact
  • Houze of Sports
    • PARISI VIDEOS
    • Motivation Corner
    • Programs
    • Team Training
    • Our Facility
    • Partnerships
    • Contact Us
  • Heartware Fitness
    • Schedule
    • Youth and Teams
    • Adult Classes
    • Testimonials
    • Staff
    • Our Facility
    • Contact Us
  • Training and Performance Center
    • Contact
  • Parisi Speed School Rochester
    • Facility
    • Programs
    • Staff
    • Schedule
    • Contact
  • Universal Athletic Club
    • Contact
  • Old Town Athletic Club
    • Schedule
    • Success Stories
    • Facility
    • Enrollment Options
    • Staff
    • Testimonials
    • Contact
  • Mo Fitness
    • Evalution
    • Why Train With Parisi
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Guadalupe Regional Wellness Center
  • World Gym Wantagh
    • Birthday Parties
    • Schedule
    • Training Process
    • Why Train With Parisi?
    • Evaluation
    • Contact
  • Parisi Franklin Lakes
    • FAQ
    • Pricing
    • Schedule
    • Coaches
    • Testimonials
    • Facility
    • Physical Therapy
    • Team Training
    • Adult Training
    • Atlantic Health
    • Birthday Parties
    • Contact
  • Xcel Sportsplex
    • How To Get Started:
    • Contact
    • Schedule
    • Price Structure
    • Why Train With Parisi
  • Parisi Speed School XPC
    • Summer Programs
      • Summer Camps
    • Youth Sports Performance
      • Sports Performance Training Options
      • Sports Performance FAQ
    • Parent Orientation
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Merritt Clubs
    • Coaches
    • Contact
    • Testimonials
  • Sinking Spring Family YMCA
    • How To Get Started
    • Performance Evaluation
    • Schedule
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • The Summit Athletic Center
    • Contact
  • Exygon Beaumont
    • Partners
    • Schedule
    • Training Plans
    • Facility
    • Staff
    • Contact
    • Why Train With Parisi?
  • YMCA New Canaan
    • Schedule
    • Pricing
    • Contact
  • Parisi Colorado – Better Athletes…Better People
    • Parisi Toca Soccer Programs
    • Contact Parisi Colorado
  • Morristown
    • Atlantic Health
    • Facility
    • Programs
    • ISP Programs
    • Team Training
    • Training Videos
    • Staff
    • Testimonials
    • Alumni
    • Our Partners
    • Contact
  • Parisi Fair Lawn
    • Simms Complete QB
    • Covid-19
    • Atlantic Health
    • Schedule
    • Youth Training
    • Training Packages & Memberships
    • Team Training
    • Staff
    • Adult Training
    • Contact Us
    • Alumni
    • Facility
  • Parisi Speed School of Downingtown
    • Contact
    • Training For Warriors
    • Partners
    • Testimonials
    • Programs
    • Schedule
    • Staff
    • Facility
  • Parisi Speed School of San Diego
    • Team Training
    • Youth Training Programs
    • Parisi Nation Challenge
    • Contact
    • Schedule
    • Testimonials
    • Meet the Team
  • Parisi Speed School powered by SPRFC
    • Blog
    • Events
      • Women’s Self-Defense Class
      • Combine
    • Cardio Kickboxing
    • Hall of Fame
    • Gallery
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Parisi Wichita
    • About
    • Contact
    • Partners
    • Videos
    • Evaluation
    • Facility
    • Team Training
    • Staff
  • Parisi Speed School Chicago
    • Contact
    • Staff
    • Schedule
  • The Atlantic Club
    • Contact
  • ClubFitness Oak Branch
    • Contact
    • Schedule
    • Staff
    • Facility
  • The Edge – Williston
    • Contact
    • Staff
    • Facility
  • Wareing’s Gym
    • Contact
  • Form & Fitness – Grafton
    • Getting Started
    • Speed and Strength Training
    • Private and Semi-Private Training
    • Camps/ Team Training
    • The Cat Club
    • Schedule
    • Testimonials
    • Parisi Speed School Birthday Parties
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Parisi Speed School-Gold Medal Fitness
    • Events
    • Facility
    • Promotions
    • Contact
  • Gold’s Gym Islip
    • Schedule
    • Schedule
    • Contact
    • Staff
    • F.A.Q.
  • HealthQuest
    • News
    • Contact
  • Kymes Physical Therapy
    • Camp Photos
    • Contact
    • Schedule
    • Staff
  • LifeBridge Health & Fitness
    • Schedule
    • Camps
    • The Cat Club Challenge
    • Testimonials
    • Partners
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Memorial Athletic Club
    • Contact Us
    • Schedule
    • Partners
    • Mission Statement
    • Facility
    • Testimonials
    • Staff
  • Newtown Athletic Club
    • Contact
    • Staff
    • Testimonials
    • Schedule
  • Parisi Schererville
    • Upcoming Events
    • COVID-19 Precautions
    • Why Parisi?
    • Youth Training System
    • Class Schedule
    • Personal Training
    • Team Training
    • Alumni
    • Testimonials
    • FAQ’s
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Parisi Butler
    • Staff
    • Programs
    • Atlantic Health
    • Contact
  • Alliance Champions
    • Contact
  • Champions Sports Performance
    • Staff
    • Facility
    • Contact
  • Cherry Hill Health & Racquet Club
    • Parisi Speed School Testimonials
    • Videos
    • Programs
    • Contact
    • Schedule
    • Staff
  • Cleveland Sports Institute
    • News
    • Contact
    • Staff
  • Cross Gates Family Fitness
    • Contact
    • Facility
  • DeSoto Athletic Club – Collierville
    • Contact
  • Equalize Fitness
    • Schedule
    • Facility
    • Testimonials
    • Free Speed Evaluation
    • Staff
    • Contact
  • Exygon Nederland
    • Schedule
    • Training Plans
    • Facility
    • Staff
    • Contact
    • Why Train With Parisi?
  • Contact

Home

Home » Blog » Vicarious vs. Supportive Parents Do you live through your child or with your child?

December 4, 2015 //  by Bill//  Leave a Comment

Your child is having a great season as the post-season approaches. He is worried. He asks you the question, “What if I lose?”

What is your response?

A vicarious parent would reply along the lines of, “That’s not going to happen, you’re so good” or “You shouldn’t think that way.” If you’re a parent who responds this way, you’re likely living directly through your child’s success or failure. You still mean well and love your kid, but you’ve just become too emotionally invested in the results.

These types of parents, unfortunately, lack the perspective to make rational decisions. They live and die with every play and every game. Their child is the best when he or she wins, and they are the worst when they lose. All or nothing.

• Vicarious parents are as close as possible physically to every practice as they can be.
• Vicarious parents often blame others when the important outcomes do not go well.
• Vicarious parents are the ones comparing their son or daughter to others.
• Vicarious parents stress out quickly and easily.
• Vicarious parents are usually the ones at the games shouting instructions.
• Vicarious parents feel their child’s success is a reflection of themselves.
• Vicarious parents don’t realize they are living through their child.

A supportive parent, on the other hand, answers the “What if I lose?” question a different way. They approach along the lines of, “Why do you think that?” or “Let’s walk it through…what if you do lose?” Supportive parents provide an environment that remains safe. They don’t try to solve their kids concerns. They encourage their child to think for themselves, come up with their solutions and handle their outcomes. Home is not a fan base. Athletes can rest assured that in the house, no matter how they perform, their identity is not just as an athlete. They have unconditional love and support. Lastly, these children aren’t nagged about their preparation or whether they are nervous before important performances.

• Supportive parents attend from a distance.
• Supportive parents ensure their son or daughter assumes responsibility, not blaming coaches or situations.
• Supportive parents stress effort over results.
• Supportive parents know their son or daughter’s performance is just a shadow of them, not a reflection.
• Supportive parents make sure they aren’t over the top.
• Supportive parents are aware of the long-term development.
• Supportive parents don’t “should” on their kids.

Both types of parents make sacrifices and difficult decisions for their child along the journey. No one questions whether the love and support is there. Unfortunately, these vicarious or supportive labels are not mutually exclusive. We may sometimes be one type of parent with one child and another style with another. It’s possible for the pendulum to swing to both extremes and even for us to live in the middle. This is about progress, not perfection; we are going to make mistakes, but that is the point of this book. How can we help our child build mental toughness? How can we become better, more aware parents in the process?

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & Associates is based in Indianapolis. Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Dr. Rob Bell is the co-author of the new book- Don’t Should on Your Kids: Build Their Mental Toughness

Share this:

  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Category: Advice

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Find a Parisi Speed School Location

Search

Site Footer

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • YouTube

Copyright © 2021 Parisi Speed School · All Rights Reserved